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累死了,真得找个老婆

NO.1

“为啥明星吸毒都爱在朝阳区吸?” “可能跟在网吧打游戏有氛围一样吧?”

NO.2

买了8号0:15的车票,8号吃好晚饭悠哉游哉去车站等车,到了0:00后,就这么眼睁睁的看着车站日期变成了9号。

NO.3

昨晚……..刚躺下,听见楼下有个男人大喊:"打,打,打,打死!打死!往死里打!臭娘们,反了!反了!"……瞬间感觉马上要出大事了[冷汗].. 顿时睡意全无,只穿上了一只拖鞋就冲下了楼[奋斗]……妈呀!和我一样冲下楼的有好几十人……下来一看[发呆],原来一个男人正指挥他媳妇在倒车……!我的天……哪!脚脖子都崴了 !

NO.4

某个单身男同事,周末洗了一堆衣服,说累死了,真得找个老婆。已婚男同胞回复:洗的少了不过瘾?

NO.5

刚刚做公交。看见前面一美女钱掉了,我上去拍了拍美女说:美女你钱掉了。美女没理我。我又拍了拍她说:美女你钱掉了。美女还不理我。我刚想再拍她的时候。美女回过头冲我吼到:妈的,一块钱我不想捡,你丫再拍我屁股,我报警了!

NO.6

昨天晚上,朋友送我回家,我上车点了一根烟,朋友一把把我的烟掐掉说:上车别抽烟,会有烟味!我他妈反手就是一巴掌扇上去骑个电动车有尼玛烟味 。

NO.7

日语老师是个外教日本人,有次讲课的时候就扯起来蛋了,然后说,同学们有没有什么好看的电视剧推荐下给老师,然后班长说了句,亮剑。。。

NO.8

小时候看见表姐在晾衣服,我指着她手中的文.胸问:“这是什么?”表姐脸一红笑着说:“这是便携式多功能小饭碗。”记得后来,我拿着表姐的“饭碗”去学校食堂打饭,我永远也忘不了他们看的眼神,但是今天表哥教会了我武术,明天我要上台表演,一雪前耻……

NO.9

第一次跟女朋友去她家,在她家无意中发现了一张很旧的照片,上面是女朋友的父母,比现在年轻多了,不过里面没有女朋友,倒是有一个小男婴。到晚饭时间我问了句‘小舅子不在家吗? 伯母笑着说‘我家的樱儿是独女,你哪来的小舅子。

NO.10

一情侣经营奶茶店,生意很好,顾客排长队,两人很忙,女孩又切柠檬又封杯口,女孩小声对男孩说:我好累~说完委屈地流下眼泪。男孩看到忙对顾客说:不好意思,我们今天不卖了~♥♥♥

怀才就像怀孕,时间长了才能看出来。
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